God has given me a gift to be a mother. I've got the most precious and wonderful present-- a child. I'm grateful for it. To be honest, it's not always easy to raise up a son, sometimes it seems that I'm the worst mother ever lived on Earth, but those moments clear away very quickly. Why is it so? Maybe because I worry so much, or maybe I know a little about raising a child. I don't know. The thing I know for sure is that noone knows, but we learn how to be good mothers, how to discipline or to encourage our children.
There was a period in my life, when I was too strict with my son, I was always angry with what he did, I was constantly telling him to stop doing this or that. I caught myself thinking that I was so strict because I was afraid that something would go wrong and I would fail to bring him up properly. At that moment I realised that I was extremely confused mother. And God told me something what became a big revellation in my life. He said:
"Just don't be affraid. Don't discipline him because of fear, but raise him, discipline him and take care of him because of LOVE! Don't be affraid, just love!" Wow, isn't it a great revellation?
must love our children, even when they are naughty and do what we don't
like. Once we've given our lives to Jesus, we are worriesfree people.
So, here are the steps, how to love our children on purpose, even when we don't feel like so, or if they don't behave like being loved.
1. Be on his side. You are the closest person for your kid, your task is to protect and to secure him. Never punish or lecture him in public, do it at home, choosing the right words. Try to listen to his variant of the story, then make a decision what to do. Speak about both situations, explain the right way. You shouldn't pamper or close eyes on obvious things, but in the same time be just and loving.
2. You're a parent, so don't misbehave. I mean that you're a grown up person, who graduated school, college or university, and you can't explain things without yelling and being angry? When your child does something wrong, the first thing is to take a deep breath, count to ten (I know it sounds childlish, but why not), think and after this react. Wouldn't be much easier to do things right and not to fix them afterwards.
3. To buy doesn't mean to love. I'm not saying that presents are bad, or that you shouldn't give our children toys. I'm saying that any toy will replace time spent together as a family. Our son has so many toys, especially the cars, but he never plays with them, he picks one or two and then asks me or anybody who's not busy "Will you play with me?". To love means to spend time.
4. Family time is important. A couple of years ago we used to have "family days", we used to put all our "important" meetings and works away, turned off the computer and cell phones and just spent time together going to the park, playing at home, talking. That was wonderful time. Unfortunatelly, we don't do this now. I'm going to restore this tradition. I think the older the child grows the more qualitative time we should spend together, because it binds the family together, it gives longlasting memories. I have strong belief that eating breakfast or dinner together, spending holidays together, playing games are not old-fashioned activities, this is what prints in our hearts and minds and brings big fruit of love and respect.
5. Never compare your child to other's even to siblings. When our children misbehave we are frustrated, because it wasn't planed, we've never dreamed about this, we've never noticed other kids to behave like that. The next thing which comes next is comparing, but as for me, it's completely useless. My child is special, God has created and given him his own temper and character, and if he does something wrong I will teach him the right thing, my sadness or disappointment will not help at all. But if I encourage him, if I show him the way he will do his best. Don't discourage him and ruin his confidence by words, be patient.
6. Be an example. Remember, the child will behave and react like parents do. He will say things like you do. Be the model to follow. It's hard, because it takes pains to controll yourself and to work on your own habits. You shouldn't watch after your child but after yourself too. At first you will make something on purpose but after a while it'll become a good habig. We never forsed our son to read the Bible, but he loves reading it, I'm sure it's because he always sees my husband reading it, and he often asks him to read it aloud. I think it's the best example. Don't just еducate and bring up, but live the life you want your child to live in the future.
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